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Unforgiveness - A Block

A Choice!  A Step.  Follow Directions. 

Find Freedom and Healing

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You may want to find the page on Forgiveness (linked below) and then read here what unforgiveness may visit on you.  

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Medical research has demonstrated that unforgiveness is linked to stress, heart disease, high blood pressure, lowered immune response, anxiety, depression and more (John Hopkins Medicine).

 

Recently, I encountered a woman who will not forgive her husband for having an emotional affair.  She suffers from a number of very intense health problems, including a second round of cancer.  Though her husband has sinned and she could blame her husband for her ill health, science and sound theology tell us that she may be inflicting her ill health upon herself.

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St. Augustine said “Resentment (unforgiveness) is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die.”

 

Jesus commands us to forgive those who have injured us— from the heart.
He says that if we forgive others, our heavenly Father will also forgive us, but if we don’t forgive others, neither will our Father forgive us. (See Matt 6:14-15)  Consider that!

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In scripture, Paul tells us to, “Be ye kind one to another; merciful, forgiving one another, even as God hath forgiven you in Christ.” (Eph 4:32)

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Why?  Because: 

  • that unforgiveness will kill our bodies and our souls.

  • God wants us to experience health in our bodies and freedom in our souls.

  • when we don’t forgive, we allow that person to have power over us.

  • unforgiveness enslaves the human mind.

  • God desires relationship with us - close relationship - and unforgiveness stops that.

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Three signs you are drinking the poison, turning the prison key, giving your trespasser your headspace:

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1. Unresolved Anger.

Righteous indignation is a correct response when a person has injured you…  But, if you remain angry, you will become bitter. Bitterness fuels resentment. Resentment sparks blame.  

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Who do you blame for your problems?  Identify that person or persons.  Now that you have identified the person you have not forgiven, take the steps below to release that, physically and emotionally let it go!

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2. Vengeance.

Bad thoughts of another.  Imagining inflicting tragedy, pain, or the like on your perpetrator.
Deprecation, detraction, harsh criticism, character assassination, passive-aggressive assaults are all indications that you have not forgiven.  

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Who do you wish ill upon?  Chances are you need to forgive them and put that behind you forever.  

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3. Self-justification.

The victim believes that they are self-righteous, and the trespasser deserves divine retribution. The victim neglects to reflect on the ways they have injured others. The victim hopes for the day when the person who injured them returns, groveling before them, begging for forgiveness.

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This type of thinking indicates that you have not forgiven your enemy.

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Let’s stop here. It is important that we allow ourselves to be convicted of our sin before proceeding hastily to our conversion…so we can truly appreciate the marvelous work of God’s forgiveness and see it in our physical body, our peace of mind, and in our responses to others.  

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AND . . . it works even better once you've "signed" on by taking the step to believe in what Jesus has done, with your whole heart and mind.  To understand this, check out:

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To release the key of unforgiveness:

 

  • Use your, "Relax Release Restore Renew," booklet from our Library, to go to your notebook and write down specifically any person you know you need to forgive, even if you don't want to forgive them (leave 3 to 4 empty lines between each). 

  • Rate the intensity of your emotion, between 1 and 10 and write that down.  

  • Use rounds of Tapping - intention and focus are prime here as you follow the script here with each point on a tapping point

    • I choose to forgive this person

    • Even though I don't feel like doing it

    • Even though I have a reason for my anger or feeling for retribution

    • I know I have a key for doing this

    • I choose to use that key to open a prison door in my mind and heart

    • I now know that that prison was holding me captive

    • I want to be released and get out of it

    • I thank God that He gives me the ability to do this

    • ​I release and totally let go of that unforgiveness

  • breathe deep (4:6 ratio) and relax

  • drink water

  • rate the intensity again and if above a 1, just do more rounds of tapping and focus on letting the emotions go.

  • When you have moved any tension about this down to a 3 or less, you're ready to move onto replacing that with forgiveness.

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Here is another suggested tapping routine you may want to follow: 

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* Forgiveness feels like the most unfair gift I could ever give, I don't want to forgive.

 

* I feel immense pain and betrayal, and find it hard to forgive that person, however,  I choose to remember forgiveness is not a gift to them but a key for my heart to heal. 

 

* I will not let them hurt me in the future, but I'll still release forgiveness toward them. 

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* Forgiveness is freeing me from bitterness, pain, anger, hurt and any other trapped emotions.

 

* I'm choosing to take down walls that isolate me, but also allow boundaries that protect me. 

 

* Keeping my heart soft while being protected is possible for me.

 

* God is giving me grace for the process of forgiving.

 

* I will not be scared any more, but walk in peace and with courage. 

 

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If you are still struggling with not wanting to forgive another for their abuse of you, consider the following:

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God tells us that sin has clear consequences, and this is true for unforgiveness. In fact, there are severe consequences for unforgiveness. So, if you are thinking clearly, please avoid them and forgive. If you’re not thinking clearly, just take our word for it, you will want to go through this process because when you come out the other side you will truly be free and healthy! Yes!

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There are probably more consequences but here are at least six dire consequences you escape if you forgive.

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1. Loss of being able to walk and talk with God in a wonderful relationship.

 If someone says, ‘I love God’, and hates his brother, he is a liar; for he who does not love his brother whom he has seen, how can he love God whom he has not seen? And this commandment we have from Him: that he who loves God must love his brother also. -  1 John 4:20-21 (NKJV)

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If you are a Christian and you don't forgive, you still have the gift of eternal life with our Lord Jesus Christ. You are still God’s child, so praise God for that. But, your unforgiving spirit separates you from fellowship with God. It separates you from enjoying the benefits of His wisdom and from growing in the Fruit of the Spirit. You don’t want to give that up, do you?

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2. Loss of Health and Vitality

Blessed is he whose transgression is forgiven, whose sin is covered. Blessed is the man to whom the Lord does not impute iniquity, and in whose spirit there is no deceit. When I kept silent, my bones grew old through my groaning all the day long. For day and night Your hand was heavy upon me; my vitality was turned into the drought of summer. . . . Psalm 32:1-5 (NKJV)

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God provides healing and blessing through forgiveness, both for those confessing (seeking forgiveness) and those forgiving. Those who do not confess suffer physically. Do you want physical consequences for unforgiveness? Research shows that bitterness and grudges impact your health.

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Are your physical struggles more spiritual than medical? This is not saying all sicknesses is from sin in your life, which forgiveness will cure! However, the consequences for unconfessed sin are dire, so if you refuse to forgive, don’t expect to be healthy.

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3. Loss of Joy

It is a simple but sometimes forgotten truth that the greatest enemy to present joy and high hopes is allowing bitterness to reside and grow in your heart. If you choose to not forgive you will find yourself living with vengeance and bitterness unless you cover these with depression and thoughts of self harm. Think about it, there is no middle ground, no matter how you try to avoid the issue. So, ask yourself – do I want to forgive or be bitter, vengeful, or steeped in depression?

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 …looking carefully lest anyone fall short of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up cause trouble, and by this many become defiled… - Hebrews 12:15 (NKJV)

Bitterness and vengeance always hurt and destroy you as well as others. You do not want to put this on your family. Forgiveness, though, heals. Which do you want?

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4. Loss of Freedom: Consumed with, Controlled by, and Become Like the Offender

This is possibly the worst of the consequences of unforgiveness, and it is so easy to fall into this trap.

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Consumed with the offender

How can you be free when you spend so much time thinking about how they hurt you? Your mind is stuck ruminating on something that only God can handle effectively. Spending that much time thinking about them is like building a lovely house for them in your mind and moving them in.

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Controlled by the offender

They consume your mind and, worse yet, control you. The longer you carry the grudge, the more they control your thoughts, actions, and feelings, and energy. Even if you get revenge, you will often feel it wasn’t enough. Enjoy the consequences of unforgiveness!

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Conformed to be like the offender

Consider this. If you're going to learn something new, you read about it and think about it. When you immerse yourself in something, it becomes part of you. So, if you spend time thinking about the person who wronged you, then you increase the possibility of becoming just like them. 

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The Lord has a better path for you. He wants you to guard your heart and renew your mind with His thinking, by truth which will result in a fulfilling and healthy life.

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5. Loss of Hope

Depression is often born from an unhealthy focus on past events. It can be birthed from trying to control the unfairness of what happened, and the lost hope for justice. Hope, like joy, doesn’t grow from vengeance, bitterness, or holding grudges. Hope takes root in the soil of forgiveness.

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You can accept that something happened, learn from it, forgive, and move on because your PERFECT Father God knows about it and will turn it into the “best” for you as you trust Him.

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6. Loss of Future Generations’ Health

Research shows that parents’ unresolved issues are passed on to their children. The feuds and hatreds of people and families who cling to bitterness are evidence of the tenacity of sin and its transmission from father to son. Attitudes, words, and actions pass on to your children. Even if they learn from your mistakes and do not repeat them, they still suffer in other ways for your mistakes.

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Why let the consequences of unforgiveness create problems for your children and grandchildren?

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Your Choice

God seems to say, “Forgiveness is the best way to deal with your memory of wrongful pain. It’s an opportunity to be free of pain and possibly help others, even those who hurt you. It’s your choice to trust My way or yours.

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Forgiveness puts a new future before you and gives you a new way to see those who hurt you. It may be the one act that allows you to imitate God, the original Master Forgiver. 

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Listen to the Holy Spirit - you can best do this by spending time with Him -  allowing Him to reveal the unforgiveness in you. When He alerts you to these areas, repent and release them. Make this year and any family or friend reunions more than just a time for remembering. Make them a time to forget.

Scripture Reading: Matthew 18:21-35

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Further study and considerations regarding forgiveness:

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